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Man Casually Mentions He Chose Jesus Calvinist Pops Out Of Nowhere To Argue With Him

11/30/2017

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November 30, 2017 at 05:15PM from The Babylon Bee
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HOLLISTER, MO—In a casual discussion with a business associate while waiting for an appointment, local believer Jim Laurel mentioned that he had “chosen Jesus” over fifteen years ago, prompting Calvinist Peter Lance to jump out from behind a catalog display and begin to lecture him. It wasn’t immediately clear how long Lance had been waiting […]

. . . finish reading Man Casually Mentions He Chose Jesus, Calvinist Pops Out Of Nowhere To Argue With Him.


via The Babylon Bee
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Man Coming Out Of Year-Long Coma Excited To Catch Up On Humanitys Progress

11/30/2017

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November 30, 2017 at 01:46PM from The Babylon Bee
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YONKERS, NY—Local man Kyle Peterson finally and miraculously awoke out of a year-long coma Thursday, stating he was excited to see how much humanity had accomplished since he hit his head riding his bike in October of last year. “I can’t wait to catch up on all my favorite actors, political pundits, and comedians,” he […]

. . . finish reading Man Coming Out Of Year-Long Coma Excited To Catch Up On Humanity’s Progress.


via The Babylon Bee
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Researchers Now Believe Good Christian Movie Attainable Within Our Lifetime

11/30/2017

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November 30, 2017 at 11:41AM from The Babylon Bee
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CAMBRIDGE, MA—Exciting new research coming out of Harvard Divinity School suggests that a good Christian film may be attainable within our lifetime. While previous estimates had suggested a good Christian movie was still centuries off, the optimistic new study indicates those living today may live long enough to see a quality faith-based film. “We’re projecting […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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Steven Furticks Mansion Selected As New Amazon Headquarters

11/29/2017

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November 29, 2017 at 03:35PM from The Babylon Bee
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WEDDINGTON, NC—Amazon’s hunt for a new U.S. headquarters has come to an end, as the online retailer and technology giant announced Wednesday it has selected the home of Steven Furtick as its new base of operations. The deal is rumored to include a $350 million payout for the North Carolina pastor, who will allow Amazon […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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Lakewood Church Attendees Can Now Check Their Bible At Door

11/29/2017

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November 29, 2017 at 01:43PM from The Babylon Bee
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HOUSTON, TX—According to sources within Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church, attendees can now take advantage of a new service allowing them to check their Bibles at the door before entering the sanctuary for an uplifting message. “People who come here to watch Joel preach typically won’t need their Bibles,” a Lakewood spokesperson told reporters. “Most of […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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Sea Level Rises Hundreds Of Feet Due To Sweat From Celebrities Waiting To Be Outed As Perverts

11/29/2017

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November 29, 2017 at 12:02PM from The Babylon Bee
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U.S.—Stunned meteorologists reported Wednesday that the sea level has risen an astonishing 300 feet overnight, as the sweat from celebrities trying to cover up their sexual harassment scandals rained down “in buckets.” Vast swathes of the United States are now entirely underwater, including major coastal cities and regions, as the investigations into various celebrities and […]

. . . finish reading Sea Level Rises Hundreds Of Feet Due To Sweat From Celebrities Waiting To Be Outed As Perverts.


via The Babylon Bee
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Pentagon Recommends Nation Play Through All Fallout Video Games In Preparation For Imminent Nuclear Apocalypse

11/28/2017

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November 28, 2017 at 05:26PM from The Babylon Bee
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Hot on the heels of yet another ballistic missile launch in North Korea, the Department of Defense recommended Tuesday that all citizens begin playing through a binge gaming maraton of the Fallout series of video games in order to prepare for life in the nuclear wastelands. Speaking on an emergency public broadcast video, Secretary […]

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Senate Ethics Committee Called To Order At D.C. Area Hooters

11/28/2017

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November 28, 2017 at 02:27PM from The Babylon Bee
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—The U.S. Senate Select Committee on Ethics convened late Monday in order to begin an investigation into sexual misconduct allegations leveled at Senator Al Franken, as well as to discuss myriad other ongoing scandals taking place in American politics, with the committee being called to order at a Washington D.C. area Hooters Restaurant, sources […]

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Cthulhu To Speak At Liberty University

11/28/2017

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November 28, 2017 at 12:45PM from The Babylon Bee
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LYNCHBURG, VA—Liberty University has announced its next set of Convocation speakers for the coming semester, and among several prominent athletes and political figures is the ancient, brooding cosmic entity known as Cthulhu, sources confirmed Tuesday. The horror from beyond time and space will address the student body, giving his remarks on living moral lives and […]

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via The Babylon Bee
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Third Day Lead Singer Revealed To Be Pearl Jams Eddie Vedder In Disguise

11/28/2017

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November 28, 2017 at 11:18AM from The Babylon Bee
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ATLANTA, GA—In a revelation both shocking and not really all that surprising to some, Third Day lead singer Mac Powell has been exposed as actually having been Pearl Jam lead singer Eddie Vedder in disguise his entire career. The truth came out when Powell’s band member Mark Lee entered the dressing room unannounced, only to […]

. . . finish reading Third Day Lead Singer Revealed To Be Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder In Disguise.


via The Babylon Bee
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    Steeple Chasers is a collective..

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    ​ (bless her heart)
      Faith with humility and self-awareness is a good mix of virtues. And a merry heart makes some good medicine, too. So let's laugh with others.

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