GENEVA — This week, an international panel of scholars released the findings of a study examining a causal link between an improved prayer life and teaching a teen to drive. The results are conclusive: parents who report a "poor-moderate" prayer life increase their prayer by over 329% after the first behind-the-wheel lesson.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre brought out President Biden during Thursday's press briefing to demonstrate the president's new toddler leash. According to White House Chief of Staff Ron Klain, the presser was organized to boost the American people's confidence in Biden, who has wandered off numerous times.

Are you a single loser? Are you also a man? Love scientists with The Babylon Bee talked with 1000 actual real-live women and uncovered ten things Christian women are looking for in a man. Only you have the power to mold yourself into the ultimate man and win her heart.

GENEVA — The World Economic Forum experienced a major blunder during a recent symposium when the institution's banner slipped, revealing the tentacled HYDRA logo. The blooper occurred during a symposium in which a small number of elite intellectuals discussed enslaving and depopulating the earth as a humane method for reducing climate change.

NASHVILLE, TN — Famed Canadian clinical psychologist and best-selling author Jordan Peterson has announced that he will be joining DailyWire+ to produce exclusive new content. According to Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boring at a recent DW+ conference, fans will still be able to hear all of their favorite conversations with Dr. Peterson, but now with all the Daily Wire ads they love.

U.S. — Pride Month officially concludes June 30th with a series of explicit parades and orgies, but community activists have assured as many as would listen that they are not going anywhere. Now, as pride month comes to an end, Americans are looking forward to 11 months of still pandering to the LGBTQ community.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - With Ketanji Brown Jackson set to take over Justice Stephen Breyer's seat on the Supreme Court today, aides have been hard at work changing all the restroom signs to "gender-neutral" so Jackson doesn't get confused when she has to use the restroom.

LOS ANGELES, CA — Universal Pictures announced Wednesday that former President Donald J. Trump would be starring in the tenth movie in the long-running Fast and Furious franchise. The upcoming film, tentatively titled FF10: Capital Riot, will once again feature Vin Diesel as Dominic Toretto.

Roe v. Wade has been overturned and we are now all living in the literal Handmaid's Tale. Already, thousands of harrowing photographs have emerged from the abortion-free hellscape. It's worse than we thought. We were warned, and we didn't listen.

Summer is here, which means it's time for kids to be thrown into week-long Vacation Bible School programs. If you're helping your church run a week-long VBS program you could stick to tried and true themes like "Jesus is a superhero," or you can branch out and try something more exciting!