MENLO PARK, CA — A few weeks ago, Instagram banned Pornhub's account amid mounting evidence of nonconsensual sexual exploitative material on the account. Instagram says their decision is an integrity move due to the wide documentation of Pornhub's inappropriate and illegal practices, as well as to remove one of their chief competitors in providing pornographic material to men.

FORT MYERS, FL — As emergency crews worked tirelessly to rescue Floridians with the sense to stay out of Georgia, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was seen on a rescue boat, paddling door to door and asking for donations to support the war effort against Russia.

NEW YORK CITY, NY — After musical artist and professional twerker Lizzo made waves by playing James Madison's crystal flute on stage, Beyoncé upped the ante by performing in Times Square wearing George Washington's false teeth.

LOS ANGELES, CA – According to reports, a concert venue of 750 saw record amounts of strained, polite smiles and lackluster cheers as a band that has been popular for 23 years played a shocking 9 songs of new material before getting to the hits and deep tracks that they actually wanted to hear.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Hurricane Ian made landfall in Florida, Biden held a press conference to criticize the hurricane naming system and vow that the next major storm will be named after a woman of color.

Everyone knows the biggest sign of a spiritually healthy church is the number of 5-star Yelp reviews you have, but oh no! Your church has a 2-star average rating!

U.S. — In the wake of Italy electing Giorgia Meloni as Prime Minister, millions of Americans have gotten their hopes up that she might also become the President of the United States. Unfortunately, according to a small, little-known technicality, the Prime Minister of Italy is not eligible for President as she was not born in the U.S.

WASHINGTON, DC — A potentially disastrous situation was averted yesterday as White House aides were able to grab President Biden's arm in the nick of time and lead him away just as he was beginning to "follow the light."

GROVE CITY, FL — Date night for Madilynn and Murphy McMickerson started off just like every other date night when Madilynn told the server she would just have a light salad followed by her husband's entire entree.

TAMPA BAY, FL — Authorities are warning that the destructive power of Hurricane Ian is so severe that it could cause Florida to experience water and power shortage almost as bad as they have in California.