PHOENIX, AZ—Local hate-filled bigot Jim McDean eagerly participated in the evil, senseless act of cultural appropriation on an unsuspecting Nachos Del Grande dish at his favorite Mexican restaurant, restaurant patrons seated near the man confirmed Friday. Horrified onlookers reported that McDean callously consumed the plate that did not originate with his own European heritage in […]

. . . finish reading Hateful Man Culturally Appropriates Entire Plate Of Nachos.

ARLINGTON, VA—Climate scientists at the Environmental Protection Agency announced Friday that the Earth appears have entered a cooling trend. The reason, they say, is the massive shadow cast by entertainer Bill Nye’s enormous ego. “We noticed the trend about three years ago, but it really accelerated over the past few months,” an EPA representative told reporters. […]

. . . finish reading Scientists: Earth Enters Cooling Trend Caused By Shadow Of Bill Nye’s Ego.

SEATTLE, WA—Local college student Bryan Valdes, who just finished his first year in the Biblical Studies program at Pacific Grace University, reportedly submitted a 90-page notebook full of helpful tips, pointers, and critical notes to Pastor Lee after his sermon Sunday. The pastor’s message, a simple call to faith and repentance rooted in the parable […]

. . . finish reading Bible College Freshman Provides Pastor With 90 Pages Of Helpful Notes After Sermon.

MENLO PARK, CA—Giving his arms and legs a nice little stretch while reclining in his office chair Thursday afternoon, Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook, confirmed that he had successfully completed another long day of deciding what people around the world should believe. “We’ve got two billion users now, so it’s never been more important to show […]

. . . finish reading Mark Zuckerberg Finishes Another Long Day Of Deciding What People Should Believe.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Admitting that he is “in over his head” about how to tackle the nation’s nearly $20 trillion debt, President Donald Trump called in financial guru Dave Ramsey to help the Federal Government figure out how to handle the its finances more frugally and eventually pay off all of its liabilities. After crunching the numbers, Ramsey reportedly began […]

. . . finish reading Dave Ramsey Puts Federal Government On Strict Envelope Budget Plan.

BALTIMORE, MD—Astronomers working at the Space Telescope Science Institute noticed an unusual find in a recent image downloaded from the Hubble Space Telescope: the last verse of popular worship song “Good Good Father,” located just inside the edge of the observable universe. The find confirms that the end of the song does in fact exist, […]

. . . finish reading Astronomers Sight Last Verse Of ‘Good Good Father’ At Edge Of Known Universe.

MAYADIN, SYRIA—A representative for the Islamic State released a statement Wednesday confirming that ISIS would be immediately surrendering its fight to establish a powerful caliphate after viewing an interview in which pop singer Katy Perry said, “The greatest thing we can do just unite and love on each other and like, no barriers, no borders, […]

. . . finish reading ISIS Lays Down Arms After Katy Perry’s Impassioned Plea To ‘Like, Just Co-Exist’.

Though you undoubtedly follow The Babylon Bee‘s unparalleled coverage of the “prosperity gospel” (sometimes called the “health and wealth gospel,” “gospel of success,” “Word of Faith movement,” “name it and claim it theology,” or simply “using the name of Jesus to get incredibly rich”), maybe you’ve found yourself wanting to know more about this intriguing worldview and […]

. . . finish reading The Bee Explains: What Is The Prosperity Gospel?.

YUMA, AZ—Reports confirm that local man Oscar Franklin is constantly browsing Facebook and commenting “amen” on every single post that comes across his screen, just to make sure he doesn’t miss any blessings or offend any watching deities. When his brother posted a picture of his son’s soccer game last Tuesday, the devout man was at […]

. . . finish reading Man Furiously Commenting ‘Amen’ On Every Facebook Post Just To Be Safe.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to a new set of guidelines issued by the U.S. Department of Education, “breathing, whether inhaling or exhaling” is now classified as a discriminatory microaggression. The guidelines, published on the Department’s website Tuesday morning, indicate that teachers or other staff members of all public schools should avoid breathing, further explaining that taking in oxygen […]

. . . finish reading Breathing Classified As Microaggression.