WOODLAND HILLS, CA--Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, set for release next month, has come under scrutiny for several controversial elements of the game, most notably the inclusion of white phosphorous as a killstreak.

The post Call Of Duty Introduces Controversial Cow Flatulence Killstreak appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The whistleblower alleging coverups in the White House has been revealed to be Counter Terrorism Unit agent Jack Bauer. This is the second time Bauer has been involved in trying to take down a president, the first being President Charles Logan, who resigned on obstruction of justice charges. With the whistleblower's identity known, President Trump wasted no time in going on the attack.

The post Trump Attacks Sordid History Of Outed Whistleblower Jack Bauer appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WORLD—A new proposal derived from the biblical, Jewish concept of Jubilee will forgive everyone for their tweets every 50 years.

The post Modernized Year Of Jubilee Will Forgive Everyone For Their Old Tweets appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

OSLO, NORWAY—The Norwegian Nobel Committee was reportedly considering President Trump as a recipient of its prestigious Nobel Peace Prize, as the president had submitted his name for consideration to them over 67 times. But after reviewing his credentials, the committee concluded that he had not launched enough drone strikes against foreigners to qualify.

The post Nobel Peace Prize Committee Informs Trump He Has Not Launched Enough Drone Strikes To Qualify appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

HOUSTON, TX—Lakewood Church has everything you could want for a fine day of churchgoing, shopping, and fine dining. But Pastor Joel Osteen was never comfortable with the church's cafe, which only served hot or cold beverages.

The post Joel Osteen Opens Church Cafe That Only Serves Lukewarm Beverages appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

GRASS VALLEY, CA—In response to a record of nearly 10 deaths that could possibly relate to the use of e-cigarettes and vaping, lawmakers in multiple states have begun introducing legislation to curb what has clearly become an epidemic. 

The post Man Sure Is Glad He Switched From E-Cigs To Regular, Healthier Cigarettes appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

NEW YORK, NY—Adapting to modern times, the Pulitzer Prize, the most distinguished award in journalism, has added a new category: Destroying People.

The post New Pulitzer Prize To Honor Publications For Destroying People's Lives appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

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The post Podcast #16: The Gospel Of Earthworm Jim appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Everyone in the nation has been enjoying themselves for the past three years---everyone, that is, except anti-fun Democrats, who are now seeking to end the most fun presidency of all time, sources confirmed this week.

The post Anti-Fun Democrats Seek To End Most Fun Presidency Of All Time appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The recently released transcript of Trump and the Ukrainian president contained many juicy tidbits for pundits to argue over. But perhaps the most interesting part was the conclusion of the phone call. After exchanging pleasantries, Trump and President Volodymyr Zelensky playfully argued for about 15 minutes as to who would hang up first.

The post Transcript Reveals Trump, Ukrainian President Argued For Fifteen Minutes About Who Would Hang Up First appeared first on The Babylon Bee.