WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a stunning reveal, Dr. Fauci has appeared on camera in an ornate and funny hat, and is now declaring himself the "Pope of Science."

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CHICAGO, IL—Thanksgiving weekend is a time of family gatherings and gratitude in the windy city. This weekend, however, the holiday was marred by 40 tragic bullet accidents. According to reports, five of the accidental bullet-to-body incidents were fatal. 

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BERLIN—In an interview with CBS News, German Chancellor Adolf Hitler declared that anyone who attacks him or his methods is really attacking science itself. 

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SAN FRANSISCO, CA—Jack Dorsey has stepped down as CEO of Twitter after realizing to his horror that he helped elect Joe Biden as President. 

The post Jack Dorsey Resigns In Embarrassment After Realizing He Helped Elect Joe Biden appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—Across the country, newsrooms are frantically working on exciting new stories to boot up a brand new news cycle and make the country forget about the Waukesha terrorist attack last week.

The post Media Frantically Prepares Exciting New News Stories In Hopes Of Making Everyone Forget About Waukesha Terrorist Attack appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WAUKESHA, WI—The 2010 Ford Escape crossover SUV that killed six people and injured many others during a Christmas parade last week on its own accord without the input of any human being whatsoever was charged with six counts of murder, sources confirmed over the weekend.

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WUHAN—Thousands gathered outside the Wuhan Institute of Virology with faces of anxious anticipation over the weekend, as rumors had been circulating that a new COVID-19 variant would soon be named. The hopeful pilgrims' hours of waiting were not in vain. Cheers erupted as white smoke began pouring out of the chimney early Sunday morning, signaling the creation and naming of a new COVID-19 variant.

The post White Smoke Emanates From Wuhan Lab Chimney Signaling A New Variant Has Been Named appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a beloved San Fran tradition, stores across the city are holding their annual 100% off Black Friday sale today, offering shoppers the opportunity to come in, throw as much stuff in a bag as they can fit, and run out of the store.

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Americans are appalled after learning the racist President Biden has banned travel from 8 African countries.

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