U.S.—Christians across the country called for a boycott of Fruity Pebbles for its "blatant and obvious" support of Pride Month, thanks to the cereal's rainbow colors.

The post Christians Call For Boycott Of Fruity Pebbles For Blatant Support Of Pride Month appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

MIAMI, FL—After being asked a question on immigration, Beto O'Rourke attempted to appeal to Hispanic voters by jumping up on his lectern, producing a bottle of Cholula hot sauce out of his suit coat pocket, and chugging the entire thing in one swift motion.

The post In Move To Appeal To Hispanic Voters, Beto O'Rourke Chugs Entire Bottle Of Hot Sauce appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The second-ranking official in the United States government was literally thrown to the lions today. Vice President Mike Pence was caught violating a thirty-day executive order prohibiting anyone in the President's administration from praying to any form of deity other than President Trump himself.

The post Mike Pence Thrown Into Lions' Den After Being Caught Praying To God Other Than Trump appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

MIAMI, FL—Experts around the country and numerous poll results revealed Wednesday evening that the decisive loser in the Democratic debate was the American people.

The post Experts Agree Loser Of First Dem Debate Was America appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

SOMEWHERE IN THE TEXAN DESERT—Upon hearing about the immigration crisis, Jerry Falwell, Jr. was touched. He "just had to get down there right away," according to those close to the ostensibly Christian leader of a Christian university. Falwell's mission was to survey the problem, see what the needs of the immigrants were, and then "kick around some Mexican kids just for fun."

The post Jerry Falwell Jr. Takes Emergency Mission Trip To Southern Border To Kick Around Some Mexican Kids appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

MIAMI, FL—A spare empty podium and microphone set up backstage at the Democratic debate this evening is projected to win the event "hands down" according to experts.

The post Spare Empty Podium Expected To Win Democratic Debates By Wide Margin appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

TEXAS—President Trump toured the migrant holding facilities for unaccompanied minors, stopping at one in Texas to tell the press all about his cost-saving measures. “We’re serving kids thin gruel,” he proclaimed as he pointed to a vat of the substance in the facility’s cafeteria, “the thinnest. It’s practically water. You’d get more nutrition from a bottle of Aquafina.” Trump then explained how the money saved on feeding children would free up the budget for purchasing drones in case Iran shot down more.

The post Trump Enraged As Immigrant Child Asks Him For More Gruel appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an emergency bill rushed to the House floor and passed Wednesday, House Democrats voted to send more fake tears to address the crisis on the southern border.

The post In Emergency Bill, House Dems Vote To Send More Fake Tears To Address Border Crisis appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

ISRAEL—A newly discovered original manuscript of the New Testament, dated to the First Century, was written entirely in the popular Papyrus font, sources confirmed Wednesday.

The post Evidence Confirms New Testament Was Originally Written In Papyrus Font appeared first on The Babylon Bee.

HOUMA, LA—Local churchgoer Herb Patterson took a knee in protest Sunday morning as the worship band added a chorus into classic hymn "Before the Throne of God Above."

The post Churchgoer Takes A Knee In Protest As Newfangled Chorus Added To Classic Hymn appeared first on The Babylon Bee.